Dragons superstar Mark Gasnier shocked both the sport world and the chin world yesterday by announcing his retirement, and rated “almost beating Queensland” in this year’s State of Origin series as the clear highlight in his illustrious career.
Gasnier claims getting sort of close to Queensland was "pinnacle" of career
It’s a huge call from the former NSW and Australian representative, who aside from his representative honours, also won a premiership with his beloved St. George Illawarra, yet he was adamant about what ranked #1.
“Look, I scored tries, I played for City, I played for New South Wales, I played for Australia, I won a Premiership, I won centre of the year, twice actually, I even pretended to play five-eighth for a while, but getting sort of close to nearly beating Queensland this year…. that for me was the pinnacle.”
“I was so proud of the boys, the way we almost got to within a try of them, it was just magnificant”, Gasnier continued. “I can leave the game happy in the knowledge that within the next 20-25 years, we have a chance of almost beating Queensland again.”
In what seemed to many like a premature announcement, Gasnier went on to outline the reasons for giving away the game that he kind of liked so much. “There’s a few reasons”, Gasnier explained. “For one, I was getting sick and tired of all the ‘foot on the Gaz’ puns, and on top of that, I was really starting to struggle with the pressure of having such a famous name.”
“I mean there have been so many brilliant people named ’Mark’. Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Twain, Mark Ruffalo, he’s fantastic by the way, I was just finding the weight of expectation too much to handle to be honest.”
Gasnier promised Dragons fans he’d exit the game with a bang . “My plan is that between now and the end of the season, to win another 7 premierships and equal what my uncle did.”
“And If I can’t do that, I’d like to go out with one final choke in a pressure situation. I think that would really be an appropriate way to go.”
Gasnier vows to win 7 more premierships this season, and match the feats of his famous uncle
Gasnier was confident that both he and the club would be able to move on next year and continue to excel. “I’ve got a few options”, Gasnier said, continuing to hog the microphone and refusing to pass it to a wide-open Dragons CEO Peter Doust sitting next to him. “Channel 9 were interested, but I think I’m going to move into modelling. Chin modelling, to be exact.”
“And the Dragons will be fine. I know Matt Cooper is pretty pumped about being the #1 most overrated centre in the club again, and I’m sure we’ll find another centre with a famous first name to replace me.”
In fact, rumours have immediately begun to circle that the Dragons aren’t content to simply replace the former Kangaroo, but are looking to actually improve in the centre position next year by signing Gasnier’s 72 year old uncle Reg.
While looking fantastic and receiving a standing ovation from the packed press conference upon exiting the room, critics and fans have since flooded forums and blogs, claiming it was easily the most overrated press conference of the modern era, and definitely failed to deliver in the key moments. Some have suggested it was even more overrated than Brad Fittler’s or Willie Mason’s retirement announcements.
Gasnier hasn’t commented on the criticism, but was seen cruising around the city at 4am in a taxi with Anthony Minichello and Craig Wing, repeatedly yelling at female pedestrians to “fire up”.
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